So much for rolling the blog

Again, time flies. But for real. Since my last post I didn't even consider writing a post, which of course tells a lot about my state of mind. And look clearly, it looks like a week since my last post, but there's a whole gap-year here again. So much for gaining traction, lol.

So, where am I, really?

I've been working on a project that was due somewhere around March last year. I'm still working on it and we're in 2026 now, so some things are off... It's mostly a matter of scope creep and ever expanding "needs" for this "MVP" before we can go live. Also me being a team of one developer  since we were out of budget for my consultant colleague doesn't quite help, either. So basically I'm a bit overwhelmed. In the mean time it's become clear we're only finishing the Need To Haves within the upcoming two to three months and then we go live (wait, didn't I hear that a couple of times before last year?). Hopefully it's done within a month, but then there will probably still be issues since that's just a developers' life...

Also I've more or less been living with my SO for like 95% of the time and occasionally travelling back to my own place for meetings with neighbors or just for work since my official home still is super close (10 minutes by bike) to the office, contra-dictionary to where my SO lives; commute from there is about an hour, first by car and then a transit to public transportation.

Both commute and a desire to have a place for myself and living in a community makes me weary of resigning from my (fairly low for a city apartment) rent. I did move from 3rd floor to 2nd floor past summer; I had the chance 4 years ago and didn't take it and sort-of regretted that so this time when it came vacant again I took it. Funny note, I maybe spent 12 nights there last year since august since I blew my back again so I worked a lot from home for a couple of months. I've spent some more time there now since I'm more or less back to a mon-tue office-day schedule where I'm still more at my SO than in the city. Due to not spending so much time in my "new" place I'm still feeling displaced. It appears me and my SO still both like (need?) "me-time" more than we thought. But with staying with the group in the city comes with obligations (things like meetings, DIY maintenance projects and long term maintenance coordination) which, combined with the not-so-well neighborhood, don't give me the "peaceful me-time" I desire.

There are some options I'm considering.

1. Keep things as they are. It's not the cheapest solution, but I start to get a feeling I could use something better and more peaceful. Montly costs for keeping the place are around 600 euro's a month all-in. For a studio with private bathroom, shower and kitchen and approx. 50 sq. meters in size that's quite the deal. Hence, that's where the obligations play part: by doing things ourselves, we manage to keep rent low. Pro's: close to office, low cost of living, nice people to live with. Cons: commuting between there and my SO, not being at peace and on myself anywhere and keeping this displaced feeling, and yeah... costs are costs.
2. Move in with my SO. It's by far cheapest solution. We've talked about this a bit in the past, she owns (well, besides the leftover mortgage) her house. I would probably pay less rent than I currently do. We could create a glass wall with doors here in the (split level) basement so that I sort of have my own space to work and chill when needed. Sound proofing the glass wall enough would be hard but maybe possible. Then we would be living together which requires other solutions to the "me-time" thing, like her or me going away now and then. Since I'm at work at least two days a week it's mostly me who probably gets overwhelmed. Pro's: No more displaced feeling (I hope...), possibly some more cost reduction (we're already splitting her energy costs our combined groceries but some form of rent is of course needed here), no more eating-alone in the evenings, hopefully feeling a bit more inner peace. Cons: The working days will always contain two hours of commuting, we're always in each others energy at night and during my work from home days and after ten years I'm giving up my own place and the group I live in.
3. Buy a place of my own. This is, of course, the most expensive solution. So why even consider this? Well, I despise commuting. I don't just hate it, I find it an absolute waste of time and energy. I can get to my current place within half an hour on a Sunday evening from where I can walk to and from work, so why would I spent two hours on a Monday to get to- and from my job? I'm already depleted just getting there, and I enjoy the morning/evening walks to decompress. Furthermore, when owning a nicer place in a bit more decent neighborhood, I can have proper me-time, still walk/bike to work and me and my SO get to have a bit of a nicer place to "crash" in the weekends if we wish to stay in the city. My current neighborhood isn't that inviting unfortunately. It also dismisses me from my obligations towards the community I currently live in. Pro's: Easy commutes, place of my own, probably a better investment for the future than rent, no fear of losing my own place. Cons: Housing crisis = terribly expensive, any one-income possibility will still be a bit of a gamble with the neighborhood I end up in, my SO will probably again think I don't want to live with her, did I mention costs? This is not a "I'll check it out for a year" kind of decision. What if I change my job somewhere in the near future and end up with a commute anyway?
4. Quit my job and see what that brings. This is, of course, a completely thoughtless idea which costs a gazillion since it's bye-bye income and even though this is what I ultimately desire (freedom, work for a couple of hours a week just for fun and some money but not the feeling of needing to earn it while it's possible). Of course, many good things might come out of such a drastic decision, but for now I'm probably ~200K euro from that target. A hybrid solution would be to start working part-time in about five years, still being able to save and invest but not having to deplete any funds yet. Taxation comes into play with these amounts, too, so I'll need to take a better look at this hybrid approach somewhere around my 200K mark.

I'm not really sure where this is going. I do feel I wish to make a change, but I'm unsure what, exactly. When with my SO I like it but in combination with work feel overwhelmed. Also, as things are with relationships, it's not always flours and moonlight and happiness, it's also crashes and explosions and wanting to run out of it. Yet again, being in my own place is exactly the same dilemma: it's nice to just follow my own rhythm, but it's also pretty boring and alone after a couple of days. It's a bit like I want to start living a life, but am constantly on the verge of left or right. And in the mean time, time passes by and nothing really changes at all. Not that I want change for the sake of change;  not at all. But I've got this feeling that things don't add up anymore.

In the mean time, let's see if I can give a financial update since I didn't even cover my 100K mark. What??? :-)